Jan. 15, 2003 - 19:55 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Returns

Not really putting on a train wreck tonight, just mulling over some very difficult territory I traversed in my later years, when of course I should have known better, but. Rather than spade up that garden to an extreme, I am referring to my alcoholism, separation and attempted suicide.

It was hard, to say the least, for me to come back to the real world. It took a lot of personal hard work and acceptance of helping hands extended to me.

I have a cyber friend, who disappeared for over two years, along that very same route and in the process having her children taken away from her. I don't think there were too many helping hands extended to her until the very end. I don't know for sure, that is just my guess.

Maybe I am just an old Grandma type. I worry and fuss when I know a friend of mine is having trouble and I can't help. And come partially unglued when they are beyond being communicated with in any form.

In the process of forcing my old mind to remember things in their calendar order, I think she has been gone since I had been diarying for maybe a year. I think it was before the Kaycee fiasco. Not sure. But I know she has two years of sobriety now, and that is a big accomplishment - one day at a time.

Staying dry is only part of it really. My entire personality had to be retrained and housebroke to again be a real person rather than an ambulatory zombie. I think more or less anyone who has gone through such things and survived has had similar experiences, details are different of course, no two sets of experiences are exactly the same.

If you have heard from her and not responded, maybe a Welcome Back e-mail to her is in order - she has come a long way -- and now she Returns . . . . . . . .

Blog