Jun. 27, 2003 - 22:38 MDT

THE WONDERING JEW

Back Then

Twice tonight I was attempting to do a fun Friday Five, twice I managed to dump it. Oh, well, tomorrow is only Saturday, a day late and a dollar short ain't bad for this guy.

Our daughter and her family from Oregon will be with us for an extended stay. Things on the fire ? Oh yes, our 60th Wedding Anniversary party with the whole family attending, after that will be many mixings of kith-n-kin with non-kith-n-kin, and then toward the end of July will be our Oregon daughter's birthday party, her 40th. When your baby reaches 40 you have a pretty good idea that truly you are a Senior Citizen -- (did the sexy part much earlier while it was still a lot more fun).

Going through some old papers and ran onto this, unknown origin, think it was in a pile of joke stuff I inherited on retirement. Its old but I think it is still as true as it is funny.

---------CONSTRUCTION DEFINITIONS---------

CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

BID - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in Heaven.

PROJECT MANAGER - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red-tape, split hairs and baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun.

STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

COMPLETION DATE -The point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

AUDITORS - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

LAWYER - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

The funnies having been already printed, let it now be known that I am a union man who recognizes the abuses that have been union perpetrated, that OSHA has done a lot of good. That the chicken does begin to breathe and despite the recent scandals there are some good auditors. And of course there are many good upright lawyers even though sometimes it seems they are in the minority. No matter who wins the case, the winning lawyer has enemies who carp and badmouth.

This is now, but still much truth in that fun pokin' - that's what made it so darn funny Back Then . . . . . . . . . . .

Blog