May. 28, 2004 - 22:11 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Right Now ?

Our world is green, flowers in bloom, puffy clouds in the sky, a comfortable temperature. Heather and I notice these things all the way to the hospital each day, wishing that our son could be with us to again see life as the earth gives it.

However, he is in a hospital bed struggling to breathe. Weird in a way as his blood oxygen is 90 percent. For another reason I know just how he feels, as I remember telling my doctor, "I keep breathing and as near as I can tell just as much as I did before -- but it seems that I am not getting enough air to do any good. Atrial Fibrillation it was and severe enough that the Heart Specialist stopped my heart and let it resume beating. Second time he did, it worked and is still working.

But, this is about Rob. His main doctor came and met with our family today. His prognosis wasn't good and noted how agressive and rapidly the cancer is spreading, but held out hope that recovery might be possible. They are willing to keep on with radiation and chemo and his white blood cell count was up a bit and the antibiotics seem to have the pneumonia at bay.

Rob told us today that he will go one more chemo and one more radiation and that is it. He executed the necessary papers for DNR, signed power of attorney for his daughters. He had them quit giving him morphine. Although it did kill pain apparently he was getting a high enough dosage that it made him uncomfortably weird. They have him on other stuff that seems to be doing the job -- for now.

A bit too early to tell if the Iressa is working. His next radiation will be in the lung area. If there is another one it will be in the adrenal gland area. Chemo will keep on, probably changing the formula next.

He is learning to talk even though the trach tube is still in. They put something different in so that he can talk. It is a matter of taking a deep enough breath to be able to get enough words out. When he tries to take a deep breath, he starts coughing. But he is working hard on it.

Six foot three and his body is destroying him. Hard for parents to take. I am so proud of Heather, because she has faced the apparently inevitable and is going on from there.

Our daughter from Eugene, Oregon flew in and got here about noon today. A family member met her at the airport and brought her to the hospital, so she got to spend time with her brother -- the guy who baby sat with her when she was tiny, who was one of her beloved big brothers to her as she was growing up.

I respect Rob's wishes, and understand them. If he decides that the pain and discomfort are unbearable then he will ask that treatment be discontinued and he will be transferred to what they call the Hospice Residence, where they will keep him comfortable as long as he lives.

His chemo makes him very ill and the dosage of radiation is at a level that burns blisters on his back - that and the chemo in combination.

We are all praying, our net friends are also, as well as some sending good vibes. They send frequent messages of support and prayers for Rob. A miracle we seek and hope for, what more can we do Right Now ? . . . . . . . . . .

Blog