2000-07-27 - 23:05 MDT

July 27, 2000

Out Of It

Heather and I set out on some errands and to vist with her older sister fairly early today. Her sister is in the final stages of Alzheimer's and seldom into reality or movement. Heather's sister, the one she adored from childhood, the woman who was the sharpest person I have ever known.

Since the diagnosis for her sister showed Alzheimer's Heather has been trying to strengthen herself to accept the reality and the prognosis. I saw her go through this quite a few years ago, twice. Once, she nursed her mother through her final days of cancer, the second time she had to bid her little sister good bye as she was also taken by cancer.

Heather is hurting and there is very little I can do about it except be by her side and help her do what she feels is necessary.

Every day people die, all over the world. But the gradual mental mummification of a loved one, I believe is worse than death. It is like a character out of Poe's fevered imagination walking before you - or sitting there with nothing behind their eyes.

I just hope that Heather will let me be there for her and do what I can.

A few years ago we looked at each other after reminiscing and one of us said, "You know we are orphans now." The thought of a senior citizen realizing that they have been orphaned is something to think about. And unspoken yet, between us the probable chance that one day our progeny will come to the same realization. Ouroboros (sp), the snake with the tail in its mouth ? The endless cycle of life is academically understood until the heart suddenly realizes that the wheel of life is about to roll away from a loved one, leaving a husk in the place of vibrancy.

You would think that having been around these things, watching the ones older than us go on ahead would have hardened us - - - - Not so !

Out Of It is the polite term for me tonight.

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