2000-03-01 - 00:46:36

Leap day yesterday was supposed to be a memorable day

and I guess it was. Didn't see much excitement around

here though.----------------------------------------------

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Heather is better today, moving around pretty good

and grousing a bit. She got a call from the clinic and

the told her they were prescribing another medication,

when she nailed them against the wall about the results of

her labs, they finally told her that it is a staph

infection. Staph is very bad and there are some

antibiotic resistant strains around. I'll bet that she

got it the last time she was in the emergency room.

Sometimes it is better to stay out of the hospital and go

to the doctor's office -- even then there is no guarantee.

I do hope the ailment responds to the new meds, she's had

enough to cope with to last her a long time.--------------

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Been thinking - see the smoke ? About this bit of

finding out who I am. The me (who is me) changes with

time. Been known to happen, and keeps me from getting

stiff in the joints . . . .have to keep finding new joints

to frequent. To be serious to myself I do understand

that change inevitibly occurs and to resist change is

rediculous, but a human frailty. I am still learning

to use the ounce of discretion to avoid a pound of deep

doo-doo. And that a quick, off the cuff decision makes me

regret some of the things i come up with. Always did

have trouble with that. In my hunt for me I must

remember that the me I thought I was, is no longer in

existance so a degree of anticipation comes on the scene.

What am I going to be at the moment of final discovery ?

When I finally figure who I am, then comes the question

of what am I doing and is it the right thing to do now ?

I don't expect to come out of this an egghead. I am

trying for a more calm, contented existence. Whatever

that might be in this day and age - - - DUCK ! ! ! ! ! !

I am beginning to sense a degree of calmness and the

ability to sort out the daily hugger-mugger but for a few

things which I know will be beyond my understanding

forever. Cruelty, although a human characteristic -

whether in physical action or mental abuse I will never be

able to understand - - - and to children puts it further

away from my comprehension. Maybe after I figure out

this stuff I can get to the big WHY----------------------

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I believe what was in my mind will be too long to tell my

diary tonight, but it will be there tomorrow. The angst

must go, raus mitt uns, scat !

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-------------------bastion, you are a rascal.------------

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