"The Wondering Jew"
2000-03-06 - 00:49:30
A bitter and better day. Heather went to church for the
dedication of our latest great great grandson. His
mother, my oldest son's daughter was the baby of our
grandchildren until the latest made the scene in Eugene,
Oregon somewhere around six years ago.
I couldn't go. My good old back chose the last few days
to go on strike and it would keep reminding me, uh uh uh
uh no, no, no don't do that or I will hurt you
ferociously. About four of five steps and then a hitch, a
cringe and a wait until further movement can be made.
No pity party ma'am just the facts - - - periodically this
happens. Can't think of what brought it on this time,
maybe I slept crooked ?
So much for that. I am not looking for my inner child,
I knew him too well while I was attempting to grow up. I
am still trying to find the me that I am. No angst, just
looking to see if I became the man I wanted.
So today I scanned the mirror intensively, and took a
look at that old dude. His hair line is headed toward
his shoulder blades, his wrinkles are getting deeper,
his beard and mustache have declared independence from his
face. His posture isn't what you call reasonable, bent
to one side and also forward. The tremor in the hands
shows that fine motor control is not that good.
O.K. that is the me that we both can see. The me that I
am is a little complex. I have earned a living, raised
children with the main action of my heather. The
grandchildren came along and the great great started
arriving.......so much for the population of the family.
Now what else ? I cry when deeply moved, I worry (as
little as possible) I love people of all ages and like to
visit and communicate. I still in the wishful mode of
wanting to be at work again - - - I know that, the
younger workers where I was when I retired were ready to
assassinate me as it was seems as if a 69 year old man was
messing up their senority. Humor and laughter are not the
most important thing in my life but they play a huge part.
When things look the gloomiest I come up with some smart
ass remark to lighten the mood - - any way mine.
Sometimes things get so ridiculously terrible that its
silliness drives me into uproariously laughter. Then I
can go from there. My dearest wife Heather is probably
the main half of me - - - without her, I am not sure how
I could cope, but I know a way will come if need be. We
have not lost a child, thank God - - - - - that would be
about the hardest thing for either of us to bear, yunno,
the kids are supposed to outlive you. Reading has always
been this only child's companion almost forever. I like
to read Jonathon Kellerman and his wife Faye Kellerman,
Tony Hiller with his tales of the four corners area which
I am almost positive he has researched deeply. "Cave of
the Clan Bear" and the books after by, I think Jane Auel.
When I read Tolkein's trilogy in the sixties - I was
working away from my town and family - and Tolkein peopled
my world almost to the exclusion of reality. When I get
deep into a book I am there until the "bell" rings and it
is time to change classes, as it were. Things beautiful
have been glories in my life, from the ancient statuary,
buildings up to now. Nature itself puts on its show and
it seems like it is for me, when the buds burst and the
early flowers come up it is one of the most glorious
things in the world. That glory can only be topped by my
Heather, my children, grand children, and great great
grand children - because they are the blooming garden for
God's especial creation - put in our care for a time.
Tomorrow, or later today in the A.M. I will read
this over and try to peer into myself.0 comments so far