Nov. 11, 2001 - 21:14 MST

THE WONDERING JEW

Malaise

It is hard for me to put into words what I seem to be sensing. To me its as if many of us on the net are experiencing a kind of mental influenza. I think WTC has had quite an effect of all of us. Maybe boredom also plays a part (doing the same old thing all the time) and there can of course be other personal reasons.

But journalists I have been reading since before I started my diary near to two years ago are dropping out permanently or are going on hiatus. Some who are still going are talking about their thoughts being so inconsequential and meaningless. I expect, as in other things there are a certain amount of people who are ready to do something else, but that is not what I hear from many of them.

Some journalists seem to question their place in life and the importance of what they are doing and seem to lose self esteem as they go.

I know that what I put in my diary is as I have said before a secret open to any of the millions who readingly surf the web. Does that bother me ? No. I am as honest with myself as one human can be. I sometimes realize there is a mistake in my reasoning and I hesitate not in changing my mind and acknowledging it.

I write because it is like Mt. Everest to Sir Hilary (I think that is his name). When asked why he climbed it he answered something to the effect, "Because it is there." I do a diary to keep from bursting from the pressure of ideas inside of me.

I try to avoid that deadly, influenzical Malaise . . . . .

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